once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
