Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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