Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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