I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i think i just lost a toe
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
