yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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