I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
