Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
