I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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