he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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