I just made out with a guy for $7.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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