I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
