Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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