So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
