So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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