Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
