sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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