apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
