Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
