I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
