my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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