he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
