he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Two words: blizzard sex
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
