I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
