that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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