now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
