Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
