Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
