where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
