ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
