Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
