The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
