i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
