we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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