1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
