Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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