we're blogging at a bar
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
