I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
