repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
