At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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