i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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