whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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