I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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