THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
