Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
