Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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