i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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