Duck Duck Cougar?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
