I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
