Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
