he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i think i have two assholes
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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