i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
