no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
