Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
