All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
