There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
