You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
