You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
