It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
