is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
