dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
