Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
